Bonked by a Glitter Teapot: A Love Letter to The Endless Kettle
- missy moo
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
The Endless Kettle turns kitsch and comfort food into an actual art form — and frankly has no right getting away with it, but somehow DOES.
I am glad I went with my brother Jarrod today.
Walking in is like being lightly bonked on the head by a teapot filled with glitter, memories, and unresolved Victorian feelings, then being seated politely and handed a menu that flirts with you. The audacity.
The décor doesn’t just sit there behaving itself — it goes absolutely off. Every inch of the old banking hall is having a moment. The high Victorian ceilings are trying their best to stay respectable while below them a full-blown riot of colour, curios, drama and vibes is happening. It’s as if history whispered
“heritage” and an interior stylist screamed “MORE. ALWAYS MORE.”
You fully expect:
A flamingo in a feather boa guarding the cutlery like it’s a sacred relic
A chandelier mid–jazz-hands routine
Porcelain teacups plotting a coup with velvet armchairs and frankly winning
And JUST as your eyeballs are like “I need a sit down”, the menu appears — and BAM — Polish comfort food swaggering in like it owns the place. Which it does. And it fits. Of course it fits. Why wouldn’t it?
We’re talking:
Huge oven-baked pancakes stuffed with sweet or savoury goodness and zero shame
Proper Polish sausage, onions, sourdough — no notes, no apologies
Shakshuka in a smoky, spicy tomato sauce that gives you a warm hug, then slaps your taste buds (lovingly)
Miso beans in a broth so good it should be illegal, plus sourdough because this place understands joy
Big, soulful bowls of braised meats that quietly whisper “everything’s going to be alright”
It’s chaotic. It’s comforting. It’s theatrical. It’s slightly mental. And honestly?
It’s a deeply unhinged, gloriously quirky place that feels SO me — like my inner world got turned into a café and decided to serve excellent food while it was at it.
10/10. Would be gently concussed again.
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