You were never “good at coping.” You just got used to carrying more than anyone ever NOTICED and being praised for how quietly you did it.
- Mar 31
- 2 min read
I used to think I was good at coping. That was the story, anyway. The brand. The tidy little headline I sold to myself and everyone else.
But somewhere between me holding it all together and Nick asking, “You okay?” for the third time that week, I had a very midlife realisation:
Oh. I’m not good at coping. I’m just… well-trained.
Trained to carry things without dropping them.Trained to smile while doing emotional deadlifts.Trained to make it look effortless so nobody feels uncomfortable enough to step in.
Nick thinks I’m “strong.”Which is sweet. And also slightly hilarious, because what he’s really witnessing is a woman who has been quietly over-functioning since 1998.
There I am, emotionally buffering everyone’s moods like a human Wi-Fi extender, thinking this is just… adulthood.
Meanwhile, Nick’s over there processing things out loud like a podcast episode, and I’m thinking, must be nice to have a user interface.
The truth? I didn’t learn how to cope.I learned how to absorb.
And absorb.And absorb.
Like some kind of beautifully dressed emotional sponge with a calendar.
And the praise? Oh, I got plenty of that.“You’re so calm.”“You’re so reliable.”“You always handle things so well.”
Yes. Because I never handed anything back.
Midlife is realising that maybe the real skill isn’t carrying everything so gracefully…Maybe it’s finally putting a few things down and letting Nick carry the groceries without giving him a full TED Talk on how to do it “properly.”
Growth, apparently, looks like me saying, “I’m overwhelmed,”and not immediately following it with, “but it’s fine.”
It’s not fine.It was just… quiet.
And honestly?I’m getting a little too old—and a little too wise—to keep winning awards for silent suffering.at was the story, anyway. The brand. The tidy little headline I sold to myself and honestly?
I’m getting a little too old—and a little too wise—to keep winning awards for silent suffering.
Love from Missy Moo xxx
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