Learning to Love Yourself
- missy moo
- Jan 5
- 4 min read
For a long time, I didn’t love myself at all. It had been ingrained into me from a very young age that I was never pretty enough, thin enough, tidy enough, intelligent enough; there was always someone that I was compared to who was apparently better than me. It massively destroyed my soul.
When I was 52, my Dad died. I wanted him to last forever. He was my best friend, and I was utterly broken, and I went into therapy. I had been in therapy before, as a result of huge bouts of depression, which I will talk about at another time.
My therapist was excellent, and she told me that there are many things to love about me. She said that I needed to go on a self-love journey, and that is precisely what I did.
Let me explain to you what self-love is and what it is not.
Self-love is a phrase we hear often, yet it’s one that’s widely misunderstood. It’s shared in pretty quotes and Instagram captions, spoken about as if it’s a destination we arrive at one day and stay forever. But real self-love is quieter than that. Truer. Messier. And far more meaningful.
At its core, self-love is about the relationship you have with yourself — the one you carry into every room, every decision, every relationship. It shapes how you speak to yourself when no one else is listening.
What self-love is
Self-love is choosing yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s setting boundaries without apology and saying no without guilt. It’s recognising that your time, energy and emotional well-being are precious — not to be given away to anyone who demands them, but shared with those who respect them.
Self-love is self-compassion. It’s understanding that you are human and therefore imperfect. It’s not punishing yourself for mistakes or replaying old conversations on a loop, wishing you’d been better, quieter, stronger, different. It’s offering yourself the same kindness you so easily give to others.
Self-love is listening to your body and mind. It’s resting when you’re tired. Asking for help when you’re overwhelmed. Taking a break before you break. It’s honouring your needs instead of silencing them to keep the peace.
Self-love is growth. It’s being willing to look honestly at your patterns, your wounds and your behaviours — not with shame, but with curiosity. It’s doing the inner work, even when it’s hard, because you know you’re worth healing.
Self-love is acceptance. Not the kind that means settling or giving up, but the kind that says, This is who I am right now, and that is enough. It’s making peace with your past, understanding that every version of you did the best they could with what they knew at the time.
Self-love is showing up for yourself consistently — not just on good days, but on the days when confidence is low, and doubt is loud. It’s keeping promises to yourself, even small ones, because trust in yourself matters.
What self-love is not
Self-love is not selfishness. It doesn’t mean you stop caring about others or put yourself above everyone else. It means you stop abandoning yourself to keep everyone else comfortable.
Self-love is not perfection. It doesn’t mean having unwavering confidence, flawless routines or a constant positive mindset. Loving yourself doesn’t require you to feel good about yourself every day — it asks that you treat yourself with respect even on the days you don’t.
Self-love is not indulgence without responsibility. It isn’t ignoring your health, your finances or your emotions and calling it “self care.” True self-love sometimes looks like discipline, honesty and making choices that support your long-term wellbeing rather than short-term comfort.
Self-love is not comparison. It isn’t measuring your worth against someone else’s success, body, lifestyle or timeline. Your journey is your own, and self-love grows when you stop trying to prove your value through comparison.
Self-love is not something you earn. You don’t have to become better, thinner, more successful or more healed to deserve it. You are worthy of love now — precisely as you are.
The truth about self-love
Self-love is a practice, not a finish line. Some days it feels natural and strong. Other days it feels like a whisper you have to listen closely for. And that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean life stops hurting. It means you stop hurting yourself on top of what life already brings.
Self-love is choosing to be on your own side. It’s learning to be a safe place for yourself. And when you begin to do that — gently, imperfectly, honestly — everything else starts to change.
Because the way you love yourself teaches the world how to love you too.
A gift for you
From my heart to yours — I have created a Self Love Journal that I would love to share with you, completely free to download.
This journal is a gentle gift. One designed to support your growth, help you reconnect with yourself, and guide you back to loving who you are — softly, honestly, and without pressure.
Inside, you’ll find space to reflect, to breathe, to unlearn what no longer serves you, and to remember the parts of yourself that may have been forgotten along the way.
If you’re ready to begin again, this journal is here for you.
Sending you love,
Moo x
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