The Invisible Rules Making You So Bloody Tired During Menopause
- Jul 6
- 4 min read
Nobody handed you a rule book.
There wasn't a ceremony at sixteen where someone placed a clipboard in your hands and said, "Congratulations. From today onwards, your entire worth will be measured by how useful you are to everyone else."
And yet somehow... here we are.
By the time we reach menopause, we're carrying around a backpack full of invisible rules we've never questioned.
They sound like this...
"You should always be productive."
"You shouldn't waste time."
"You should have your life together by now."
"You should be doing more."
"You shouldn't need to rest."
"You can rest when everything's finished."
Except everything is never bloody finished.
So we keep going.
Until our bodies decide they've had enough.
Menopause has a funny way of exposing every rule we've been living by. The body that once tolerated years of pushing through suddenly says,
"No. We're not doing this anymore."
And instead of listening, most of us think we've become lazy.
We haven't.
We're exhausted from living by rules we never chose.
Here are a few permissions you might desperately need.
1. Permission to Do Less Than You Could
You probably could do more.
You could answer another email.
You could deep-clean the kitchen.
You could volunteer.
You could organise another family gathering.
You could carry everyone else's emotional baggage while pretending yours doesn't exist.
But just because you can doesn't mean you should.
Why it matters
Menopause isn't simply about hormones. It's often the point where decades of over-functioning finally catch up with us.
You've spent years proving your worth through doing.
Maybe it's time to discover your worth without constantly performing.
Try this
Leave one thing undone this week.
Just one.
Then notice something remarkable.
The world doesn't end.
2. Permission to Rest Without Earning It First
This one makes women twitch.
Because somewhere along the line we decided rest was a reward.
You can have it...
...after you've cleaned the house.
...after you've looked after everyone else.
...after you've worked.
...after you've exercised.
...after you've ticked every bloody box.
No.
Rest isn't dessert.
It's a basic human need.
Why it matters
Your nervous system doesn't care how many jobs are left on your to-do list.
If it's exhausted, it needs recovery—not another lecture about productivity.
Try this
Take twenty minutes this week with absolutely no purpose.
Don't improve yourself.
Don't multitask.
Don't feel guilty.
Just exist.
See how uncomfortable that feels.
That's conditioning talking.
3. Permission to Move at a Different Pace
You don't have to keep up with the version of yourself that existed ten years ago.
Or twenty.
Or before your hormones decided to stage a full-scale rebellion.
Maybe you're slower now.
Maybe you need longer.
Maybe your brain needs pauses.
That isn't failure.
That's biology.
Why it matters
Constantly comparing yourself to your younger self is like shouting at winter because it isn't summer.
Different seasons require different ways of living.
Try this
Instead of asking,
"Why am I so slow?"
Ask,
"What pace actually feels sustainable now?"
4. Permission to Be Inconsistent
Some days you'll feel unstoppable.
Other days you'll stand in the kitchen wondering why you've walked in there.
Welcome to menopause.
Consistency has become the holy grail of modern life.
But women aren't machines.
We're human.
Why it matters
The pressure to perform exactly the same every single day creates shame whenever life inevitably changes.
Shame drains far more energy than inconsistency ever will.
Try this
Stop judging yourself based on your worst day.
Judge yourself by how kindly you recover from it.
5. Permission to Leave Parts of Life Unoptimised
Not everything needs improving.
Not every hobby has to become a business.
Not every walk needs tracking.
Not every meal needs photographing.
Not every moment needs to be productive.
Some things are allowed to exist simply because they make you smile.
Why it matters
We've become obsessed with optimisation.
But constantly trying to improve everything leaves very little room for actually living.
Try this
Do one thing this week that has absolutely no measurable outcome.
No goals.
No achievement.
Just joy.
6. Permission to Stop Before Everything Is Finished
Here's a secret.
There will always be washing.
There will always be emails.
There will always be another job waiting.
If you wait until everything's finished before you stop...
You'll never stop.
Why it matters
Your body isn't asking for perfection.
It's asking for mercy.
Ignoring that request eventually comes with a bill.
Usually in the form of burnout, anxiety, exhaustion or illness.
Try this
Leave the last job until tomorrow.
The dust will still be there.
Your sanity might not.
7. Permission to Decide What "Enough" Means
Enough money.
Enough success.
Enough cleaning.
Enough work.
Enough exercise.
Enough people-pleasing.
Who decided what "enough" looked like?
Because I can almost guarantee it wasn't you.
We've spent decades chasing standards that were quietly handed to us by society, family, workplaces and impossible expectations.
Maybe menopause isn't just changing your hormones.
Maybe it's asking you a much bigger question.
Whose life have you been trying to live?
Why it matters
Freedom begins the moment you stop measuring yourself against rules you never agreed to.
Try this
Finish this sentence.
Today... I am enough because...
Not because you've achieved something.
Not because you've helped everyone.
Simply because you're here.
Final Thoughts
I don't think menopause is here to ruin us.
I think it's here to expose us.
It exposes the invisible contracts we've signed with ourselves.
The endless productivity.
The relentless self-sacrifice.
The exhausting need to prove our worth.
Maybe that's why so many women describe menopause as both the hardest and most liberating chapter of their lives.
Because eventually, you get too tired to keep pretending.
Too tired to keep performing.
Too tired to keep carrying everyone else.
And somewhere in that exhaustion...
A different woman appears.
One who says no.
One who rests.
One who leaves the dishes.
One who chooses peace over proving.
And honestly?
She might just be the strongest version of you you've ever met.
Love from Missy Moo x
Comments