FEELGOOD FRIDAY: I Don't Want a Perfect Life. I Want One That Feels Bloody Good.
There comes a point in midlife when you realise you don't actually want more stuff.
You want peace.
You want energy.
You want to wake up and not immediately feel like you've been hit by a hormonal bus.
You want people around you who don't drain the bloody life out of you.
You want to laugh.
You want to sleep.
You want to feel good in your body.
You want sex — or maybe you don't — but you'd quite like your vagina to remain an active member of the community either way.
You want to eat something delicious without calculating its moral value.
You want to go outside.
You want to create things.
You want conversations that mean something.
You want time.
And perhaps, more than anything else...
you want your life to actually feel like yours.
Welcome to Feelgood Friday.
Happiness Isn't Being Happy All the Bloody Time
Let's get this one out of the way.
I don't believe happiness means walking around permanently delighted with life.
That sounds exhausting.
And possibly chemically assisted.
Life can be beautiful and absolutely shit within the same afternoon.
You can feel grateful and sad.
Love someone and need space from them.
Be happy with your life and still want things to change.
Laugh while you're grieving.
Feel confident on Monday and like an absolute sack of potatoes by Wednesday.
That's being human.
Feelgood isn't GOOD VIBES ONLY.
I can't stand that bollocks.
Sometimes the vibe is:
"I've had enough, I'm putting my pyjamas on and nobody speak to me."
That's allowed too.
Real wellbeing isn't about avoiding uncomfortable emotions.
It's about building a life in which you have enough capacity to experience all of them without completely abandoning yourself.
And That's Why I've Become Interested in Holistic Wellbeing
Now, before anyone starts burning incense, I'm not suggesting we all need to move to Bali and start communicating with dolphins.
When I say holistic, I mean something incredibly simple:
Look at the whole bloody woman.
Not just her weight.
Not just her menopause symptoms.
Not just her mental health.
Not just her blood pressure.
Not just whether she did 10,000 steps today.
HER.
The whole woman.
How is she sleeping?
What is she eating?
Is she moving her body?
Is she permanently stressed?
Does she laugh?
Does she have meaningful relationships?
Does she ever get time alone?
Does she drink more than she'd like to admit?
Does she smoke?
Does she spend her entire life rushing?
Does she have anything in her life that gives her purpose?
When did she last do something purely because it made her happy?
Does she actually like the life she's living?
Because all of these things matter.
I Know Because I've Changed Mine
Over the last few months, I've made some pretty significant changes.
I've stopped smoking after starting when I was fourteen.
I've stopped drinking alcohol.
I've changed how I eat.
I walk.
I spend more time outdoors.
I paint.
I draw.
I write.
I journal.
I meditate.
I work less.
I rush less.
I protect my time more.
And no, I haven't transformed into Gwyneth bloody Paltrow.
I haven't got a fridge containing seventeen varieties of fermented vegetables.
I don't leap out of bed at 5am shouting:
"LET'S OPTIMISE MY CORTISOL!"
I'm still me.
I still eat things because they're delicious.
I still have ADHD.
I still procrastinate.
I still swear.
I still have days when I achieve approximately bugger all.
But something has changed.
I feel better.
Not perfect.
Better.
And that's a very important distinction.
Wellbeing Doesn't Have to Be Dramatic
We have made wellness into an industry.
And sometimes it makes looking after yourself feel like another bloody full-time job.
Supplements.
Cold plunges.
Protein targets.
Sleep trackers.
Breathwork.
Pilates.
Journalling.
Meditation.
Ten thousand steps.
Skincare routines with seventeen products that apparently have to be applied in the correct order or your face explodes.
Calm down.
Sometimes wellbeing is much smaller.
Opening the back door and drinking your coffee outside.
Walking the dog.
Going to bed earlier.
Cooking something from scratch.
Calling somebody you love.
Turning your phone off.
Listening to music.
Sitting beside water.
Painting badly.
Reading.
Saying no.
Having sex.
Having a nap.
Doing absolutely nothing without feeling the need to justify it.
Small things count.
In fact, small things repeated consistently are often the things that change a life.
Your Environment Matters Too
This is one we don't talk about enough.
You are affected by what surrounds you.
The people.
The noise.
The clutter.
The constant notifications.
The news.
Social media.
The conversations.
The energy.
If you're constantly consuming things that make you frightened, angry, inadequate or exhausted, don't be surprised when you feel frightened, angry, inadequate and exhausted.
And the same goes for people.
You cannot spend your entire life around people who drain you and then expect a multivitamin to sort it out.
Some people are wonderful.
Some people are hard work.
And some people make you want to fake your own death and start again in Whitby.
Midlife teaches you to know the difference.
Protecting your peace doesn't mean cutting everybody off the moment they annoy you.
It means becoming much more conscious about what — and who — gets access to you.
Pleasure Is Part of Wellbeing
This one matters enormously to me.
Because somewhere along the way, adults became incredibly serious.
And women became incredibly responsible.
Everything needs a purpose.
Exercise improves cardiovascular health.
Reading improves cognition.
Walking reduces stress.
Painting supports mental health.
Sex releases hormones.
For God's sake.
CAN WE JUST ENJOY SOMETHING?
You don't need scientific evidence to dance around your kitchen.
You don't need to measure the neurological benefits of laughing with your friend.
You don't need to calculate the calories burned during sex.
Sometimes you shag because shagging is fun.
Sometimes you eat the cake because it's bloody lovely.
Sometimes you buy the ridiculous earrings because they make you smile.
Sometimes you drive somewhere beautiful just to look at it.
Sometimes you lie in the sunshine with your eyes closed and do absolutely nothing.
Pleasure isn't frivolous.
It's part of being alive.
Midlife Has Made Me Think About Time Differently
At 55, I don't think about ageing in the same way I did at 35.
I don't mean that in some depressing time is running out way.
Quite the opposite.
I think:
I'm bloody here.
So what do I want to do with that?
How do I want my days to feel?
Who do I want around me?
What do I want more of?
What do I want considerably less of?
What am I still doing simply because I've always done it?
What am I postponing?
Because I'm becoming less interested in creating a life that looks impressive from the outside.
I want one that feels good from the inside.
That's different.
Maybe That's What a Holistic Life Really Is
It's not perfection.
It's not kale.
It's not never drinking alcohol again because somebody on Instagram told you not to.
It's not having a morning routine so complicated you need a bloody spreadsheet.
It's looking at your life as a whole.
Body.
How am I caring for it?
Mind.
What am I feeding it?
Relationships.
Who am I surrounded by?
Environment.
Does it calm me or constantly stimulate me?
Purpose.
What makes me feel useful, interested and alive?
Pleasure.
What makes me smile, laugh, create, dance, love, orgasm or completely lose track of time?
Rest.
Do I ever stop without feeling guilty?
And perhaps the most important:
Self.
Am I living in a way that feels true to me?
That's wellbeing.
Not perfect blood tests.
Not a size 10 body.
Not waking up cheerful every morning.
Not being Zen while somebody is being an absolute knobhead.
It's alignment.
Your life gradually becoming more like the person you actually are.
So This Feelgood Friday, Don't Ask Yourself How You Can Improve
Try something different.
Ask:
What would make my life feel 10% better?
Not completely different.
Not perfect.
Just ten percent.
Maybe it's another hour of sleep.
A daily walk.
Less alcohol.
More water.
Painting again.
Seeing your friends.
Turning off your phone.
Getting outside.
Having the difficult conversation.
Booking the bloody holiday.
Asking for help.
Having more sex.
Having considerably less sex.
Changing your job.
Sitting quietly with a cup of tea.
Starting something you've been frightened to start.
Stopping something you know isn't serving you anymore.
Whatever it is, start there.
Because perhaps midlife isn't about desperately holding onto the life we had.
Maybe it's our opportunity to consciously create the life we want next.
A little healthier.
A little slower.
A little louder.
A little more honest.
A lot more joyful.
And considerably less concerned with what everybody else thinks.
I don't need a perfect life.
I want a life that feels bloody good to be inside.
And these days?
That's my definition of success.
Welcome to Feelgood Friday, Moos.
Eat well. Move. Rest. Laugh. Love. Create. Get outside. Have pleasure. Get help when you need it. Look after your body and protect your mind.
But most importantly...
Don't become so busy trying to improve your life that you forget to bloody enjoy it.
Women who refuse to suffer politely live here.
Love from Missy Moo xxx
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